By DC Green | 25 January 2010
Daphne Grrng, Ripaquikbong head honch, held up her muscle-knotted demon arms. The Ripaquikbong team – me, Catbird, Hackfin, Stuntman  and some rookies even greener  than me, like X’zx’zqx and Doris Grrng – fell silent. More >

By DC Green | 25 January 2010
Crusty Carl strutted stiff-legged around our motel capsule (three paces long, and half a pace wide), pausing only to blow smoke rings out his sphincter. More >

By DC Green | 09 November 2009
Spit-clouds rolled across the deadly brown water. Surfers jostled, dropped in and exploded across Toxic Teahupoo’s reef. Crusty Carl hacked. ‘Good bloody job you got your practise in early, Zack.’ I nodded. Beside me, Annie froze, clutching the deck rail. Darth Staker pushed out from the pier. More >

By DC Green | 09 November 2009
Our re-entry bus sparked through the stratosphere.The planet on my holo-screen leered out behind dirty veils of cloud. I gawked. ‘Is all that brown stuff… water?’ More >

By DC Green | 23 August 2009
‘Whoa… head rush!’ Crusty Carl staggered around our motel room, smoke billowing out his ears. ‘I shouldn’t have downloaded so much info in one bloody hit! Farken brain-implants!’ More >

By DC Green | 22 August 2009
I bumped tables. I was about to dine with two of the most famous surfers alive! My team-mates!!Wearing a sparkling leotard, Catbird shimmied to her feet. My jaw hit the floor. Her figure was amazing – and covered in scarlet fur! More >

By DC Green | 21 August 2009
The holo-vid showed emergency ejecto-exits, spew-bag placements and frequent-wormer duty-free discounts. The hostess asked that no one smoke, have sex, lay eggs, moult or self-combust in the toilets. More >

By DC Green | 20 August 2009
‘Well… yep.’ I almost smiled. ‘But this isn’t your fault. I should be dying there, not Annie. When I was crouched in that tube, looking into Darth Staker’s eyes, I just… crumbled. Like a turd beneath three suns. But Annie stood up to him. Her ovaries are ten times the size of my balls!’ More >

By DC Green | 19 August 2009
The curved figure stood at the Dense City Beach shore-break, waving his sword and yellow penis. ‘I have trained my entire life for this moment: to be the first of my people to compete in a Cosmic Surf War!’ The banana bowed stiffly, and I do mean stiffly, and paddled out. More >

By DC Green | 18 August 2009
Planet Dense is about to host a qualifying contest for the ultra-violent Cosmic Surf Wars. Local shaper Crusty Carl has entered hot-rat twins, Zack and Annie Carver. We join Zack, your narrator today, at the competitors’ dinner… More >